Challenging Five Myths about Therapy and Therapists: Our Psychologists Weigh In
By Drs. Chen, Ekhelikar, Loo, McGlinchey, & Meli
What comes to mind when you think of therapy? Or therapists?
Whether you’re new to therapy or not a first-timer, you may have some assumptions about therapy or what therapists are like. Before we became therapists, we did too!
It’s okay if whatever comes to mind for you is negative, positive, or a mixed bag. Movies, social media, people in your life who’ve been in therapy, or your own past experiences with a therapist have likely all played a role in the image that comes to mind for you. In talking to a lot of people or answering their questions about therapy (or ourselves as therapists) - we’ve heard it all.
Challenging myths about therapy and therapists
Part of the way our team at Manhattan Therapy Collective practices what we call a socially just set of professional values is by being transparent and demystifying therapy (and therapists) where and when we can. We want people to have clear information they need to decide whether or not therapy makes sense for them. We also know that there are plenty of valid individual and societal reasons why people have the impressions that they do, for better and worse.
We think therapy with the right therapist can be life-changing, and know that so many folks are curious about it - but ultimately don’t go through with it. Sometimes it’s because they have misperceptions or biases that haven’t been challenged - and how could they be, if they’ve never been in therapy?
In this post we’ll highlight and challenge five common myths we’ve heard again and again about therapy and therapists - so you can get our perspective and decide for yourself what works for you.
Five common myths about therapy and therapists
Myth 1: People who go to therapy have “serious” problems or mental illness.
Dr McGlinchey: One of the main beliefs about therapy that I have noticed is the idea that someone must have a serious mental illness in order to be in therapy. I think there has been some good progress toward fewer people believing that but I think the overall idea that a person must have a diagnosable mental illness holds many people back from seeking therapy when it could be quite helpful for them. Sometimes a therapist can be someone to work through difficult decisions or life transitions without the emotion that a friend or family member might have. It can also be a short term therapy rather than a long term commitment.
Myth 2: Going to therapy or needing professional help means I’m a failure.
Dr Meli: Therapy can be a really complicated topic for people who aren’t used to asking for help or receiving support. When you see yourself as highly independent, responsible, or mature, it can feel as though being in therapy means that you failed to solve a problem on your own. The thing is - we’re not supposed to be able to get through life’s challenges on our own. There is no shame in asking for or needing help and it does not make you a failure. Consider this reframe - knowing when you need help and how to seek out the appropriate support, in the form of therapy or any other mental health care, is actually a sign of self-respect and strength.
Myth 3: Therapists will tell me if my behavior is “good” or “healthy”, give me advice, and tell me what to do to be “better”.
Dr Chen: While therapists may occasionally highlight behaviors that are more helpful vs. harmful, our role isn’t to pass judgment or tell you how to live your life. Therapy isn’t about labeling things as “good” or “bad,” or getting a stamp of approval. Instead, it's about helping you explore how your behaviors have developed, when they’ve been helpful and adaptive, and when they’ve no longer served you. Rather than giving advice or prescribing a path, I see therapy as a space for reflection and choice. Unless something clearly unsafe, abusive, or harmful is happening (which we would address directly), my goal isn’t to tell you what to do, but to help you access clarity about the life you’d like to lead, process what's holding you back, and empower you to take steps towards your values.
Myth 4: My therapist is a super-human.
Dr Ekhelikar: Folks may have the misperception that their therapist or therapists in general have it “all figured out” when it comes to self-care, emotional health, and coping. This can manifest in the therapy space as fears of a therapist judging them for struggling, a desire to “impress” their therapist, or feeling like the therapist has all the answers. The reality is, we as therapists are human in all aspects - we make mistakes, may struggle with our own mental health, and at times feel lost and inefficient too. We hope that humanness and not “being put together” can be normalized while also recognizing that strength and knowledge come from commitment to growth, not perfection.
Myth 5: Therapy is a White/American/woman thing and I can’t talk to my therapist about identity stuff.
Dr. Loo: It’s true that therapy has a history built on psychological views largely created by cisgender, heterosexist, neurotypical, able-bodied White men (in a largely American or European context) studying the “pathology” of women. While some of the field of psychology has a bit of catchup to do, other parts have evolved in important and long overdue ways - centering the mental health needs and experiences of BIPOC, LGBTQ+, genderqueer, neurodiverse, and people with disabilities, to name a few. Multiculturally responsive therapy does exist - where who you are and and your unique life experiences are as valid a topic as any of the other ones you’d want to talk about in session. If you’re looking for therapy and wondering how a therapist approaches identity, you can always ask! You never need to check your identities at the door, and your therapist may be open and capable of talking about or holding all the parts of who you are. And if they’re not and this is important to you - it’s completely fine to move on so you can get what you really need.
If you’re interested in learning more about therapy or our therapists at Manhattan Therapy Collective, please reach out for a 15-minute consultation. We’d be more than happy to answer your questions and help you decide whether therapy is the right next step for you.
About the Authors: Drs Chen, Ekhelikar, Loo, McGlinchey, & Meli are all psychologists on the team at Manhattan Therapy Collective. They enjoy working with first-timers and returning folks in therapy, welcome all questions, and are genuinely interested in dispelling myths or misperceptions about therapy or themselves as therapists!