Therapy for grief & loss in NYC

Our team of therapists with doctoral-level training bring a wealth of knowledge about grief and expertise in helping you respond to loss without losing a sense of who you are. Everyone’s experience of grief is unique, and it can feel overwhelming trying to figure out next steps on your own.

Regardless of when you experienced a loss, having time and space to talk about its impact with a grief therapist can help. Learning about how grief affects mental health, practical skills for coping, and having professional guidance with a therapist specializing in grief can bring clarity and an idea of where to start. If you’re interested in learning more, book a free, 15-minute consultation with us today.

 

Signs and symptoms of grief and loss

  • Disbelief and numbness

  • Waking up in the morning having “forgotten” what’s true

  • Feeling profound sadness and yearning for loved one or former life

  • Noticeable changes in sleep and appetite

  • Overwhelm, difficulty with focus or follow through

  • Withdrawal from people, especially those who “don’t get it” or worry of “burdening” others

  • Avoiding reminders, specific dates, anniversaries, etc.

  • Complicated emotions like regret, guilt, anger, relief

  • Existential confusion or anxiety, unanswerable questions like “why” or new focus on mortality or meaning

  • Feeling stuck and unable to move forward

 

Types of grief & loss

There are many types of losses. They can include the loss of a loved one or the end of a significant relationship (e.g., divorce). Sometimes losses can mean a permanent change in role and identity, physical health, and community (immigration). The loss of a cherished pet or a childhood home can be deeply painful. Unexpected losses such as miscarriage or stillbirth can represent the loss of an imagined future and family.

Bereavement

Bereavement is defined specifically as the loss of a loved one, such as the death of a parent, spouse, family member, or friend.

Ambiguous losses

Many kinds of losses are hard to describe. The term “ambiguous loss”, coined by Pauline Boss, refers to losses that are not easily defined by explicit absence or presence.

Some losses occur slowly and over long periods of time, such as caring for someone with dementia or terminal illness. Others may be sudden and there’s no chance for a goodbye. Even if you anticipate a loss, the effects may be devastating or even traumatic.

Prolonged or complicated grief

While all grief is disruptive and painful, for most, usually the most intense symptoms of grief lessen or change shape over time as you process, experience support, and find a way to adjust or move forward again. However, sometimes grief can be complicated and prolonged, where intense grief persists without any change over time or you’re unable to accept the reality of the loss. In these instances, especially if you’re feeling stuck or avoiding grief, it can be helpful to seek professional support.

ocean wave
 

Difference between grief and mourning

The terms grief and mourning are sometimes used interchangeably, and it can be helpful to differentiate them.

Grief

Grief is the natural response to any type of loss, which often involves reactions on emotional, mental, physical, and spiritual levels.

Mourning

Mourning is often understood as the outward or social expression of grief, such as gathering for a wake or funeral. Mourning may vary depending on a range of reasons, such as situational context, cultural norms, spiritual beliefs, personality differences, and multicultural identities.

park bench facing grass next to tree

Are there really five stages of grief?

You’ve likely heard that there’s no “right way” to grieve; that everyone has their own unique process when they experience a loss. You’ve probably also heard of the five stages of grief from psychiatrist Elisabeth Kubler-Ross. So which is it?

History of the five stages of grief

First of all, the five stages of grief (denial, anger, bargaining, depression, acceptance) is a theory that was developed in the 1960s after observing terminally ill people facing their own mortality. While the five stages theory has been widely applied to all types of loss, it’s important to remember its original intention and context. While some people experience these feelings while grieving, research has since disputed that all people progress through these emotional stages, or in order.

A guess as to why the stages of grief model remains such a popular framework?

It appeals to the part of us that wants answers, order, and certainty - especially when we’re in pain. When our lives are upended or changed by loss, we want to know what to expect. It can feel like a life vest in the ocean. While understandable in its appeal, there’s simply no way that one single paradigm for grief makes sense for all types of losses, and that’s okay. Grief is an embodied, psychological, and deeply personal way of us trying to reconcile a loss. There have been multiple theories and evidence-based models of grief since the five stages theory. Each one has something to offer, and may resonate differently for you.

Mourning rituals depend on culture and identity

While grief is a human and universal response to loss, mourning (the outward display of grief) may take on many shapes and is influenced by your social location and multicultural identity. For example, these factors influence whether you cry or not, if you participate in faith-based rituals or social practices (e.g., wearing black), and even your sense of a appropriate mourning period.

Cultural display rules

Cultural display rules, or the learned cultural norms we each have about how, when, where, and with whom we express emotions, can also shape mourning practices. Unfortunately in Western culture, our overemphasis on overcoming, productivity, happiness, and resolution means that it can be incredibly difficult to mourn in a way that helps process loss, especially if it falls outside of what’s socially “acceptable”.

This can mean when grieving, we are pressured to expedite, hide, or conform grief or mourning so as to not draw negative attention. You may even feel self-conscious or self-critical if your own grief experience or needs are different from others or what’s “expected”. Part of grief is deciding how to mourn (and how your mourning may evolve over time). Being open and attuned to what mourning can look like that aligns with who you are and what matters to you can be a very meaningful part of your grief.

How can therapy for grief help me?

We know that grief is painful, disruptive, and often isolating. You may even feel resentful that others are living their lives or happy when you’re devastated and your world has fallen apart.

Receiving consistent support, encouragement, and care after experiencing a loss makes an extraordinary difference. Perhaps you grew up in a family where sadness was discouraged, yet you’re overwhelmed by your feelings and don’t know what to do. Or maybe you were so busy taking care of everyone else or “being strong” that there wasn’t any space for you to grieve.

You may be at a point where you don’t want your days to feel so oriented around grief but are unsure (or feel guilty) about moving on. Or perhaps you’ve never talked about major experiences in your life through the lens of loss - but know they’ve somehow affected you in a big way.

field of white flowers

Example goals in grief & loss therapy

Therapy for grief provides a supportive space for you to reflect, feel, talk, and figure out what’s actually helpful to you wherever you are in your grief. Therapy can:

  • Normalize very common aspects of grief

  • Experience big feelings with guidance

  • Address avoidance, unresolved questions, guilt, or regrets with support

  • Make decisions about how you’d like to honor the memory of a loved one

  • Develop strategies to manage painful reminders

  • Establish new routines as you adjust

  • Practice self-compassion or patience

  • Learn to accept help or how to set necessary boundaries

  • Understanding the impact of your loss beyond what’s been disrupted (sense of self, role, future)

  • Explore spiritual practices or approaches to meaning that are important to you

 

Types of therapy for grief & loss

Complicated Grief Therapy (CGT)

CGT can help if you’re experiencing significant difficulty accepting or moving forward after a loss in your life. While it’s true that there’s no “right” way to grieve, sometimes when we avoid grieving, it actually prolongs our pain. CGT is a structured therapy that helps you grieve by learning how to manage difficult memories or feelings, reestablishing connections with others, and planning for the future.

Mindfulness

Mindfulness approaches can help you strengthen non-judgmental observation skills. You can observe your own body sensations, thoughts, or individual moments that signal stress or big emotions. The process of mourning isn’t predictable, and adopting a self-accepting, present awareness of what you are experiencing helps you respond kindly and adaptively to yourself during grief.

Interpersonal Therapy (IPT)

IPT looks at the connection between the state of your relationships and low mood. IPT focuses on life transitions, unresolved grief, interpersonal disputes, and social isolation as key themes - some or all of which may occur as a result of losing a loved one.

Cognitive Behavioral Therapy (CBT)

CBT can help you notice the particular automatic thoughts, emotions, or behaviors coming up during this difficult time. By challenging and reframing unhelpful thought patterns or deeper beliefs, such as catastrophizing, you can learn to manage grief and uncertainty with greater self-compassion.

 

Grief & loss therapists in NYC

Every experience of loss occurs through the prism of a unique individual and their life narrative. Which means that while there may be universal aspects of grief, such as a powerful sense of sadness or absence, there may also be highly unique parts of what you go through. Grief can sometimes feel like a bundle of opposites or paradoxes - you feel overwhelmed and raw and somehow detached and numb. You want to stop feeling sad but feel guilty if you’re not sad enough. You have days completely filled with grief and others where you kind of forgot about it.

Our team of psychologists at Manhattan Therapy Collective are trained in a number of evidence-based therapy approaches to grief, such as Complicated Grief Therapy, IPT, and CBT. We encourage you to reach out - there is no reason that you should grieve alone. Therapy for grief can help you find a way to live with loss with self-compassion and professional support. Book a free 15-minute consultation today.

 

FAQS about therapy for grief & loss

 

  • This is a great question. While it’s completely normal (and expected) that grief be painful and even disruptive, if you feel extremely stuck or avoidant with your grief, it may become what’s known as complicated or prolonged grief. It’s not that being in emotional pain in response to loss is unhealthy - but sometimes the way we go about grief may have a larger negative effect on us, rather than helping us make sense of things. If you’re unsure about whether your grief is helping you process or getting in the way of your life - reaching out for therapy can help you clarify.

  • There can be a lot of overlap between the symptoms of depression and grief, such as strong feelings of sadness, tearfulness, and changes in energy, appetite or sleep. However, people who are grieving are often still able to access other emotions, connect with others, and experience some self-efficacy. If you’re unsure if what you’re feeling is grief or depression - we encourage you to reach out for professional support to answer your questions.

  • Grief is often a disorienting experience - there are countless thoughts and emotions that can be hard to navigate on your own. Therapy can help you organize your thoughts or gain clarity on your feelings or reactions. We find that proactively engaging with our emotions transforms them and helps us move through them more adaptively - especially with support and guidance. Unfortunately, pressuring ourselves to “move on”, especially prematurely, tends to backfire and make things worse.

  • It’s completely up to you. The experience of grief can bring up spiritual, religious, or existential questions or beliefs, which we are always open to discussing together. If spirituality isn’t something that resonates for you (or isn’t part of the way you want to grieve a loss), that works too. We will always respect your beliefs and encourage you to focus on what matters to you in your sessions.

  • The adage time heals all wounds isn’t completely true. Time can certainly lessen pain and bring perspective, but the passage of time may not be enough for you to grieve. If you feel as though a prior loss continues to significantly affect you today, there’s no such thing as “too late” when it comes to giving yourself space and support to grieve.