Therapy for emotional coping skills in NYC

Our team of therapists with doctoral-level training bring a wealth of knowledge about emotion regulation and expertise in helping you respond to your feelings in healthy ways. We want you to feel confident, capable, and present in your life. Being overwhelmed by your feelings can make you feel out of control when your feelings are meant to empower and enrich your life.

Discovering how to listen to and value all of your emotions can be a transformative experience - resulting in greater self-trust, gratitude, and empathy for others. If you’re interested in learning more, book a free, 15-minute consultation with us today.

Signs you struggle to manage your emotions

  • Having trouble naming what you’re feeling

  • Suppressing or avoiding emotions by being overly rational or distracting yourself

  • Trouble sleeping, changes in appetite, muscle tension, headaches, stomach pain or GI concerns

  • Becoming self-critical when you have intense emotions, judging yourself as being “weak”

  • Difficulty with emotional vulnerability in relationships

  • Stress or emotional eating

  • Over-relying on others to calm you down or chronic reassurance seeking

  • Emotions getting too loud too fast, spiraling frequently

  • Self medicating when you’re upset through substance use or over-reliance on medications (e.g., Xanax)

  • Reacting impulsively to your feelings and regretting what you did after the feelings pass

 

What is the purpose of emotions?

Whether or not we identify as feelers, all humans are capable of strong emotions - and it’s literally hard-wired into our brains to feel. Emotions provide valuable, real-time information about our experiences. They enrich our lives with color and complexity, provide motivation, and allow us to connect deeply with others.

Are emotions good or bad?

Every single emotion we are capable of has an important function and purpose in our lives - even the uncomfortable ones we push or rationalize away. It would be like eliminating your ability to see the color yellow in the world. Sure, you could try and do without, but the absence would be felt and your experience of the world would be duller without it.

Our emotions serve as an internal compass we all have that’s meant to help us navigate life. But we need to know how to read our compasses and understand what the different directions mean. And when there’s a magnet nearby disrupting things.

What is emotion dysregulation?

Emotions can also be painful and confusing, and when we feel overwhelmed or out of control when experiencing them - that’s emotion dysregulation.

Reasons you may have trouble with your emotions

There are many reasons that you may struggle with managing your emotions and we want everyone to know this is incredibly common. You may have had little modeling of the full range of emotions or learned that only certain feelings were socially acceptable. Perhaps you’ve never been told that your feelings matter and are important to listen to. Or you were explicitly told that no one cares how you feel.

You may have grown up in a family weighed down by a lot of anger or sadness which deeply affected you - and now you try and avoid being too angry or too sad so as not to burden anyone. Or you focus more on caring for other people’s feelings because that’s what was expected or as a way to dodge your own.

Many people never learn what their emotions mean or are supported in managing their own - yet are expected to become emotionally mature adults. Experiencing trauma can also complicate what it means to trust your emotions when some of your feelings may be a result of an unprocessed past traumatic experience versus a present day reaction.

Being “emotional” also has negative gendered, cultural messaging that is often not so subtle code for “weak”, “irrational”, “crazy”, or “too much”. Judging what you feel doesn’t help you regulate emotions, although many of us spend a lot of time doing so. It’s no surprise that many of us struggle with emotion regulation.

 

Emotional expression is culture-specific

It’s important to know that emotional regulation (being able to manage your feelings successfully) isn’t the same thing as emotional expression (how you show your feelings)

What is emotion regulation?

Being able to emotionally regulate means you can identify, channel and cope with your feelings in a way that promotes your wellbeing. Emotion regulation is about the effective and healthy management of your feelings - which may mean doing things that help you release or clarify your emotions (like exercising or journaling). Healthy emotional expression is about demonstrating them visibly in appropriate ways and contexts.

Emotional expression depends on culture and context

Showing your emotions is a personal choice, often determined by who you are, your context, and your cultural values. There is high cultural variance about the who, what, when, where, and how you express your feelings - and many ways of doing so are perfectly healthy. When you’re learning to manage your emotions, it’s helpful to ask yourself: Are there cultural or identity-related influences when it comes to how I express my feelings?

 

How can therapy for emotional coping skills help?

Our emotions are literally hard-wired into our brain and bodies - they have helped us survive, make sense of our experiences, and connect with others. They’re meant to give us key information and direction - only if we know how to listen to them and respond in constructive ways.

Example therapy goals for emotional regulation:

  • Learn the different purposes of each emotion and information it’s trying to convey

  • Make connections between emotions and how they may feel in your body

  • Learn to name what you’re feeling in real time, especially in complicated situations

  • Increase your comfort level experiencing all types of emotions

  • Develop techniques and strategies for when your feelings are too loud or overwhelming

  • Gain awareness of what myths or internalized biases you have about emotions

  • Grow your instincts and discern when a feeling isn’t factual

  • Develop the language and practice of sharing emotions honestly with others

  • Understand and problem solve what’s getting in the way of managing your emotions successfully

 

Types of therapy for emotion regulation

Dialectical Behavioral Therapy (DBT)

Dialectical Behavioral Therapy focuses on teaching a wide range of practical emotional and behavioral strategies to manage and tolerate strong feelings. DBT helps people differentiate between when emotions are helpful versus harmful, and how to balance your emotional self with your rational self in decision-making.

Mindfulness

It’s hard to manage your feelings if you’re not sure what you’re feeling. Mindfulness helps you slow down, pay attention, and observe what’s happening in the present moment. By non-judgmentally noticing what you’re feeling, you can then respond with emotion regulation strategies or self-care as needed. Techniques may include guided visualization, body awareness, and breathing.

Emotion Regulation Therapy (ERT)

ERT was originally created to treat generalized anxiety and it focuses on demystifying the purpose of feelings, mindfulness practices, and prioritizing actions based on values instead of emotional reactivity. ERT can help you reconnect with what matters most to you so instead of being swept away by momentary feelings, you stay aligned to a bigger picture.

Multicultural Therapy

Multicultural therapy acknowledges the importance of celebrating individual differences and all identities as equal and valuable. This includes the ways our social context or background shaped the way we express emotions or share them. Getting in touch with what makes sense for you and aligns with your whole identity is a part of being emotionally healthy and whole.

Therapy for emotional coping skills in NYC

Emotion dysregulation can mean a life of ups and downs, poor instincts, self-doubt, and a deep mistrust of the very internal compass that’s meant to help you live fully.

Having the consistent, supportive presence of a therapist in the midst of strong emotions shows you that you don’t have to fear feelings. You can understand them and discover healthy ways of responding.

Our team of psychologists at Manhattan Therapy Collective are trained in a number of therapy approaches that help you understand and respond to your emotions with clarity, such as Dialectical Behavioral Therapy, Emotion Regulation Therapy, and mindfulness interventions. Therapy for emotion regulation is often hands on and practical. We encourage you to reach out for support - book a free 15-minute consultation today.

 

FAQs about therapy for emotional regulation

 

  • Absolutely not. Therapy is not an emotions boot camp. Our therapists will always work with you to set your own goals when it comes to how you’d like to grow or change managing your emotions. You may want to work on expressing or regulating your anger appropriately, or allowing yourself to feel sad sometimes instead of immediately checking out. You may want to focus on self-soothing strategies or experimenting with different outlets to see what works for you. We will always focus on what you’re interested in and respect your pace. We also understand that everyone uses their therapy sessions differently - some may use their session as a place to emotionally release, while others use it as a place to learn and discuss how best to grow.

  • This is a really common concern that we hear about all the time. It’s possible that being honest about what you’re feeling may mean feeling pretty uncomfortable for a period of time. It may feel like opening a door that you’ve held shut for a long time or like starting physical therapy where everything hurts initially. The truth is that unprocessed and built up emotions won’t dissipate all at once, but we do know that all emotions do in fact lessen when brought to light and addressed. In fact, emotional avoidance is what maintains the intensity of your feelings. In this case, it’s important that you and your therapist come up with a way to balance experiencing your feelings with increasing confidence in coping strategies.

  • We love this question and we recognize that it may be complicated to have your therapy session scheduled in the middle of the day or knowing you have to shift gears immediately afterwards. If this is a concern for you - we highly encourage you to bring it up to your therapist so you can plan together how to end sessions in a way you’re comfortable with. This may mean always wrapping things up 5 minutes earlier so you have time to do a deep breathing exercise or favorite meditation, or it may mean that you end the session intentionally discussing a lighter topic or that day’s plan for self-care.