Therapy for emotion regulation in NYC

Our team of therapists with doctoral-level training have expertise in emotion regulation and can help you respond to big feelings with clarity, intention, and self-compassion. We believe feelings are meant to guide us, connect us, and make our lives richer. They’re part of what uniquely makes us human. But if you’ve ever felt confused or consumed by strong emotions, been told you’re “too sensitive”, or regretted how you reacted when your feelings were at their loudest, experiencing your emotions can be disempowering.

When we don’t know what to do with our feelings, we end up distracting, numbing, or shutting down. This works for a time, but ultimately leaves us detached from ourselves (and life). Understanding what you’re feeling, why, and channeling that insight purposefully can be life changing - resulting self-trust, resiliency, and empathy for others. If you’re interested in learning more about therapy for emotion regulation, schedule an introductory call with a therapist on our team.

Signs therapy for emotion regulation can help you

  • You often have trouble naming what you’re feeling or understanding why

  • Suppressing or avoiding emotions because you’re unsure if you’ll spiral

  • Trouble sleeping, changes in appetite, muscle tension, headaches, stomach pain or GI concerns

  • Becoming self-critical when you experience intense emotions, judging yourself as “weak” or “crazy”

  • Stress eating or other efforts to feel better that negatively affect your health

  • Over-relying on others to calm you down or chronic reassurance seeking

  • Your emotions feel like they get too loud, too fast, or too big a lot of the time

  • Excessive or risky behavior specifically when you’re upset (e.g., drinking, scrolling, binge watching tv, overworking, self-injury)

  • Reacting impulsively in relationships when emotions are strong, then regretting what you did after

  • Noticing that you feel “out of body”, numb, or detached a lot of the time

 

Why do we have feelings?

Whether or not we identify as feelers, all humans are capable of strong emotions - it’s literally hard-wired into our brains to feel. Emotions provide valuable, real-time information about our experiences, often faster than our brains process. They enrich our lives with color and complexity, provide motivation, and allow us to connect deeply with others. Life genuinely wouldn’t be the same without them.

Our emotions are an internal compass meant to help us navigate life. They can clarify what we’re passionate about, when we feel cared for by others, when boundaries have been crossed, and when something needs to change. But we need to know how to read our compasses and understand what it’s pointing to so we don’t get lost or disoriented. It’s also important to know when there’s a magnet near our compass skewing things. Being physically exhausted, hungry, uncomfortable, on medication, or intoxicated - all affect our emotions in ways that can make them harder to understand.

Is there such a thing as healthy or unhealthy emotions?

Believe it or not, every single emotion we’re capable of has an important purpose in our lives - even the uncomfortable ones we push away, like sadness, anger, resentment, insecurity, and anxiety. Feelings tell us about how we’re experiencing something - not about our character or maturity.

While we don’t think there’s such a thing as healthy and unhealthy emotions, that doesn’t mean that all emotions are pleasant to experience. In fact, letting yourself feel can be painful or overwhelming. Especially if you’ve never had support with “what to do” with a feeling or been shamed about strong emotions. It would make sense that many of us go out of our way to push feelings down, distract ourselves, or disconnect entirely.

What’s emotion dysregulation?

Emotional dysregulation isn’t the same as experiencing an emotion intensely. While strong emotions can become dysregulating, you can feel very sad, angry, or hurt about something without losing control. It’s more about whether or not you’re still in the driver’s seat, connected to the present, and capable of responding in ways that support your wellbeing. When we notice feeling consumed, like things are escalating rapidly, impulsive, acting in ways uncharacteristic or unhealthy for us, stuck, physically flooded, or out of body, those are likely signs of emotion dysregulation because our emotions are now driving us.

Common reasons why you may struggle with your emotions

There are many reasons that you may struggle with big feelings, and most people do. You may have had little modeling that emotions are natural, good, and manageable. Perhaps you’ve never been told that your feelings matter and are important to listen to. If you had a parent or caregiver chronically struggle with anxiety, anger, or depression - you may intentionally avoid letting your own feelings get too strong for fear of becoming just like them.

Most people never learn what their emotions mean - yet are expected to become emotionally mature adults. Experiencing trauma can also complicate what it means to trust your emotions when some of your feelings may be a result of an unprocessed past traumatic experience versus a present day reaction. It’s no surprise that many of us struggle with emotion regulation.

 

So what is emotion regulation?

Being able to emotionally regulate means you can identify, channel and cope with your feelings in a way that promotes your wellbeing. Emotion regulation isn’t about feeling calm or happy all the time. Emotion regulation is about being able to adaptively response to your feelings - which may mean doing things that help release emotions safely, shift gears so you can focus elsewhere when you need to, share them with others, or take care of yourself.

Emotional expression depends on culture and context

Emotion regulation is not the same as emotional expression. What helps someone emotionally regulate is unique to each person, emotional expression is often connected to culture and identity. Emotional expression is about demonstrating feelings visibly in appropriate ways and contexts.

Showing your emotions is a personal choice, often determined by who you are, your context, and your cultural values. There is high cultural variance about the who, what, when, where, and how you express your feelings - and many ways of doing so are perfectly healthy. When you’re learning how to regulate, it can be useful to identify what assumptions you carry about how you should (or shouldn’t) express emotions. And, if that’s working for you.

 

How can therapy for emotion regulation help?

Our emotions are literally hard-wired into our brain and bodies - they have helped us survive, make sense of our experiences, and connect with others. They’re meant to give us key information and direction - only if we know how to listen to them and respond in constructive ways.

Example therapy goals for emotional regulation:

  • Learn the different purposes of each emotion and information it’s trying to convey

  • Make connections between emotions and how they may feel in your body

  • Learn to name what you’re feeling in real time, especially in complicated situations

  • Increase your comfort level experiencing all types of emotions

  • Develop techniques and strategies for when your feelings get too loud or overwhelming

  • Gain awareness of what myths or internalized biases you have about emotions

  • Grow your instincts and discern when a feeling isn’t factual without self-invalidation

  • Experiment with ways to express emotions that match your values, culture, and identity

  • Develop the language and practice of sharing emotions honestly with others

  • Problem solve what’s getting in the way of managing your emotions successfully

  • Understand when trauma may be adding a layer of intensity to your emotions and how to respond

 

Types of therapy for emotion regulation

You might assume that therapy for emotion regulation looks like sessions that focus on teaching you relaxation skills - maybe deep breathing or figuring out a way to slow yourself down when your feelings are ramping up. It can include those things, but at the heart of therapy for emotion regulation is a belief that we can have a good relationship with our emotional selves.

Dialectical Behavioral Therapy (DBT)

Dialectical Behavioral Therapy focuses on teaching a wide range of practical emotional and behavioral strategies to manage and tolerate strong feelings. DBT helps people differentiate between when emotions are helpful versus harmful, and how to balance your emotional self with your rational self in decision-making.

Mindfulness

It’s hard to manage your feelings if you’re not sure what you’re feeling. Mindfulness helps you slow down, pay attention, and observe what’s happening in the present moment. By non-judgmentally noticing what you’re feeling, you can then respond with emotion regulation strategies or self-care as needed. Techniques may include guided visualization, body awareness, and breathing.

Emotion Regulation Therapy (ERT)

ERT was originally created to treat generalized anxiety and it focuses on demystifying the purpose of feelings, mindfulness practices, and prioritizing actions based on values instead of emotional reactivity. ERT can help you reconnect with what matters most to you so instead of being swept away by momentary feelings, you stay aligned to a bigger picture.

Multicultural Therapy

Multicultural therapy acknowledges the importance of celebrating individual differences and all identities as equal and valuable. This includes the ways our social context or background shaped the way we express emotions or share them. Getting in touch with what makes sense for you and aligns with your whole identity is a part of being emotionally healthy and whole.

Trauma Therapy

Trauma therapy for emotion regulation can equip you with coping skills when you’re triggered, and help you understand how trauma affects your general baseline. Being ready for something bad to happen or shutting down so you weren’t emotionally flooded may have been important ways that you survived in the past. Trauma therapy can help you differentiate between emotional survival strategies versus emotion regulation strategies that can serve you better now.

Therapy for emotion regulation in NYC

Emotion dysregulation can mean a life of ups and downs and a deep mistrust of the very internal compass that’s meant to help you live fully.

Having the consistent, supportive presence of a therapist in the midst of strong emotions shows you that you don’t have to fear feelings. You can understand them and discover ways of responding that keep you connected to yourself and others.

Our team of psychologists at Manhattan Therapy Collective are trained in a number of therapy approaches that help you understand and respond to your emotions with clarity, such as Dialectical Behavioral Therapy, Emotion Regulation Therapy, and mindfulness interventions. Therapy for emotion regulation is often hands on and practical. We encourage you to reach out for support - schedule an introductory call to learn more.

 

FAQs about therapy for emotional regulation

 

  • Absolutely not. Therapy is not an emotions boot camp. Our therapists will always work with you to set your own goals when it comes to how you’d like to grow or change managing your emotions. You may want to work on expressing or regulating your anger appropriately, or allowing yourself to feel sad sometimes instead of immediately checking out. You may want to focus on self-soothing strategies or experimenting with different outlets to see what works for you. We will always focus on what you’re interested in and respect your pace. We also understand that everyone uses their therapy sessions differently - some may use their session as a place to emotionally release, while others use it as a place to learn and discuss how best to grow.

  • This is a really common concern that we hear about all the time. It’s possible that being honest about what you’re feeling may mean feeling pretty uncomfortable for a period of time. It may feel like opening a door that you’ve held shut for a long time or like starting physical therapy where everything hurts initially. The truth is that unprocessed and built up emotions won’t dissipate all at once, but we do know that all emotions do in fact lessen when brought to light and addressed. In fact, emotional avoidance is what maintains the intensity of your feelings. In this case, it’s important that you and your therapist come up with a way to balance experiencing your feelings with increasing confidence in coping strategies.

  • We love this question and we recognize that it may be complicated to have your therapy session scheduled in the middle of the day or knowing you have to shift gears immediately afterwards. If this is a concern for you - we highly encourage you to bring it up to your therapist so you can plan together how to end sessions in a way you’re comfortable with. This may mean always wrapping things up 5 minutes earlier so you have time to do a deep breathing exercise or favorite meditation, or it may mean that you end the session intentionally discussing a lighter topic or that day’s plan for self-care.