Common relationship concerns
Frustrated or confused with bad dating advice from friends
Struggling with setting boundaries or expressing your needs to a partner
Processing a breakup, separation, or divorce
Anxiety about putting yourself out there and dating
Struggling to break out of unwanted patterns
Don’t know how to deepen intimacy or ask for what you want in your sex life
Uncertainty about how to navigate interracial or cross cultural dynamics or conflict
Ambivalence about choosing to stay in or end a relationship
Conflict avoidance or picking fights
Difficulty adjusting to a major life change together (e.g., moving, becoming parents, loss)
Questions about the future or major decisions in a relationship
The truth is that no matter your relationship status or what is happening with a significant other, making healthy choices about relationships is often challenging.
Being single & being in a relationship is hard
Whether you are single and interested in dating, in an exclusive relationship, married, divorced, or ambivalent about seeking a romantic relationship - the process can be hard. Connecting with another person can be one of the most joyful human experiences out there, feeling disconnected, lonely, or ending a relationship can be one of the most painful experiences. And yet sometimes there is extraordinary pressure for people dating or in relationships to play it cool about its real challenges. Media also projects incredibly unrealistic ideas about how relationships should be. Like if it’s the “right” person, you just “know” - and everything should feel natural and easy from start to finish. This sets us up to misinterpret what may be natural growing pains in relationships. The truth is healthy relationships are hard work. These are an expected part of getting to know an imperfect person, being an imperfect person yourself, and trying something new. As our own personal growth and progress is often non-linear, so are relationships. Most of us can use perspective, patience, and support in understanding the dynamics we create, the patterns we’ve experienced in our relationship history, or who we are as romantic partners.
“Being in therapy for a relationship concern can be an opportunity to learn what it means to set boundaries, share honestly, resolve conflict, and grow in intimacy.”
A multicultural note: Cross-cultural relationships
All relationships are cross-cultural to some degree - as no two people are identical. Whether you share the same sexuality, religion, culture, gender, ethnicity, or race - you will differ from your partner in some way. The balance of sharing similarities without making assumptions and celebrating differences without division is a task for any partner in a relationship. However, when there are multiple differences across key identities associated with social groups or larger communities, such as those in interracial and interfaith relationships, there can be unique concerns. Interracial and interfaith marriages still represent the minority of marriages in the US - where most partners still choose significant others belonging to the same racial group and religion.
Partners in cross-cultural relationships can face familial or community disapproval, public scrutiny, and negative biases based on stereotypes. It can be lonely trying to process your relationship dynamics with others if they can’t relate. Difficulties can also exist within the relationship, such as feeling understood without shared identity experiences, fear of losing or silencing a key part of yourself, or navigating differences in worldview, lifestyle, or coparenting. Being in any cross-cultural relationship is a reminder that your relationship doesn’t exist on an island - but within a larger social context. In addition to common relationship stressors, partners in cross-cultural relationships have to address uncommon stressors that deserve acknowledgement and multiculturally responsive support.
How can therapy for dating and relationships help me?
Working with a therapist in individual therapy for romantic relationships can be extraordinarily helpful. As relationships usually bring up vulnerability and strong emotions, it’s often hard to process and understand your reactions on your own. Speaking with someone outside of the situation can increase self-understanding and clarity as well as find ways of responding that support your emotional wellbeing. Therapy for relationships can also be a place to unpack past relationship experiences, especially if there are patterns, questions, or unresolved pain you’d like to address. It doesn’t matter if you’ve been in many relationships or none.
Sessions can focus on understanding how key experiences or upbringing have shaped what strengths or areas of growth you may have as a romantic partner. Being in therapy for a relationship concern can be an opportunity to learn what it means to set boundaries, share honestly, resolve conflict, and grow in intimacy. Therapy sessions can empower you to show up fully as yourself, take chances, and make healthy choices with others. If you have gone through a recent breakup, separation, or divorce - this can also be a key time for compassionate, consistent support as you process a loss and how you’d like to move forward.
Finding a therapist specializing in relationships in NYC - we’d love to help
Our team of psychologists at Manhattan Therapy Collective are trained in a range of relational, multicultural, and evidence-based therapy approaches that are effective in supporting your mental health and relationship wellbeing. Keeping concerns or questions to yourself - or trying to solve them between the two of you in your relationship - can be incredibly lonely and lead to despair. Considering therapy for relationships, whether it is individual therapy or couples therapy, can generate new insight and provide support in key moments of your own life or relationship. Just as we all benefit from support in our personal growth, we can benefit from support in our growth as romantic partners. Keep in mind that the connection you form with your therapist either in individual therapy or couples therapy is in many ways, an intimate relationship too. The therapy relationship you create often mirrors how you function in relationships and can become a unique space to safely observe what you’re like in relationships that require vulnerability and disclosure. Being able to do so in a space where there is unconditional support is a unique opportunity we encourage you to take! We encourage you to reach out for support - we’d love to connect and answer your questions.
Common questions about therapy for relationships
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No - we recommend that if you are in individual therapy and become interested in couples therapy with your partner - that you seek a separate couples therapist. While it may seem intuitive to have someone who already knows you and your relationship history to see you and your partner - it is important to have a couples therapist without preconceived ideas or biases in order to do their best work with you both. Furthermore, the role of a couples therapist is to support the relationship unit as a whole, not take sides - whereas part of what makes an individual therapist’s role special is their total commitment to advocating for you.