On the Fence About Starting Therapy?

by Aasha Foster-Mahfuz, PhD

Thinking about finding a therapist?

How many friends, with your best interest at heart, have gently suggested: “maybe you should talk to someone?”  What was your response or reaction?  Maybe you were appalled at the hint that you need professional help, intrigued by the possible opportunity to explore the inner workings of your mind, or amused by the recommendation from someone who might benefit from talking to a mental health professional themselves. All of these are normal, typical reactions.  And yet, perhaps it would be helpful to break this down a bit to understand when the best time might be to seek out professional help. Here are some of the most common questions we hear from people who are on the fence about therapy - along with answers from our side of the fence. 

Mental health isn’t a bad word anymore

Hold on, doesn’t going to therapy mean I’m crazy? A lot of folks get cold feet when considering the prospect of attending therapy because mental illness as a whole is stigmatized.  Much of this stigma is linked to our understanding of “normal”, with anything outside of that being labeled or designated as “abnormal”. However, I find that normalcy can be reframed to encompass a myriad of diverse experiences.  Consider thinking about the pursuit of therapy as a way to invest in your mental health or promote recovery from stressful events in your life.  Viewing therapy as a way of adding something good to your life instead of an evaluation of how well you are handling your life can reduce stigma or self-criticism about what it means to go to therapy. 

Good reasons to be in therapy

So I’m not crazy, but then why would I come to therapy? What if my issues aren’t that serious? Therapy is an opportunity to think out loud with a non-judgmental, supportive professional who is outside of your usual world (and therefore has a fresh and uninvolved perspective). You may come to therapy for all sorts of reasons, ranging from anxiety about work to accepting your sexual identity. The idea is to work towards a goal that will make navigating life easier or help you feel better. Sometimes the issues you may be facing are significant enough to interfere with aspects of daily life such as changes in mood, recurrent poor sleep, changes in appetite, or withdrawing from regular activities. Maybe a situation hasn’t gotten to that point, but it is annoying enough to require attention. Being proactive at this stage is a chance to get ahead of an issue and reduce, or even eliminate its negative impact.  Even if the goal isn’t clear, an initial session or consultation with a therapist can bring some clarity. A prime example is someone who comes to therapy in order to vent their unfiltered thoughts and then learns with the help of a professional to refine and better articulate how they are thinking and feeling. All of these concerns can become the focus of therapy; the good news is that you decide what therapy can be about!

Benefits of psychotherapy

In other words…so exactly how can therapy help me? Well that is the operative question!  Therapy can help in a myriad of ways that align with your original reason for seeking it out. Regardless of what brings you in, setting a small therapy goal for yourself and your therapist adds focus and direction for how therapy can help you. For example, therapy can teach skills to help you cope with challenging emotions, examine unhelpful relationship patterns (and reflect on how to change them to healthier ones), or shift your perception of a stressful situation to reduce anxiety. This is where meeting with a professional can be tremendously beneficial. We are uniquely trained to observe, educate, and help facilitate growth with knowledge of psychological theory and human functioning - all of which can support you in ways you may not have considered before or in situations where you have felt stuck.

Why should you try therapy again?

First of all, welcome back.  Second, healing and personal growth are not linear.  As such, goals are not immutable things, rather, they are nuanced and can shift overtime. Goals are often dependent on what season of life you are in. Perhaps you are in a new situation that requires a different set of skills or maybe skills that don’t come as easily anymore.  A frequent concern about returning to therapy is that it means that a person isn’t “fixable” or there is something inherently wrong about their character. Sometimes you may worry that you therapist will judge you for leaving in the first place. As I mentioned before, therapists are impartial professionals specifically trained to help you make meaningful insights into your behavior and thought patterns with the intention of helping you reach your goals. Returning to therapy illustrates self-awareness and an appreciation of your limits.  Therapists can help build on that momentum to support you in reaching the newly established (or reestablished) goal. 

When should you see absolutely see a mental health professional?

If you are having thoughts of harming yourself or others, even if they are fleeting thoughts like “I wish I could just go to sleep and not wake up.”  These are definitely reasons to seek help from a professional so that you can have the support you need to stay safe.

If you have people in your life suggesting that you talk to someone (besides them), consider heeding their advice because it may come from a place of love and understanding. Maybe they have put words to something you’ve been contemplating for a while. Whatever the reason, therapy isn’t just a fad or something that only people with great means and access do. Deciding to start therapy is a first step towards meaningful change. Now, are you ready to take another step towards pursing self-growth and reach out to a therapist today?

About the Therapist: Dr. Aasha Foster-Mahfuz is a MTC staff psychologist and a hu-momma who enjoys making homemade dog treats for her two pit mixes!