COVID-19 and “the new normal”: Tips from a Trauma Therapist
By Miklos Hargitay, PsyD
Covid and the “New Normal”
You have no doubt heard of the phrase “returning to normal” in regards to the COVID-19. You may also have heard the idea that when the collective risk has sufficiently decreased, the lockdown or quarantine will be lifted and things will “return to normal”. While this is a hopeful sentiment, there is a very real possibility that there will simply be a “new normal”, rather than a “back to normal” scenario. This necessary transition to a post-COVID-19 world will be difficult in ways we have yet to fully appreciate. How we adapt to this is crucial.
Covid feels like trauma
Using a trauma informed lens lends us a helpful perspective. The diagnosis of Post Traumatic Stress Disorder (PTSD) describes symptoms including anxiety and panic/fear, depression, intrusive thoughts, perceived feelings of guilt and shame, and more. When you experience a traumatic event, you may notice these symptoms, which can feel frightening and give the impression that something is wrong with you. However, these particular symptoms are commonly described as “normal responses to an abnormal event.” This is important for two reasons.
COVID-19 is not a “normal” event, meaning that there is not a standard operating procedure for how to adjust or adapt. Very few of us have an intuitive understanding of what it is like to be quarantined to our homes for weeks and months at a time. Some of us may treat this as an extended vacation, a “snow day”, or something else, but a city-wide lockdown is certainly unique.
Our responses may not be “normal” in different circumstances, but it is considered “normal” given today’s context. Adapting, which may include doing things like remote working or learning, putting on hold other activities (e.g., exercising, travelling, socializing, etc.) is understandable and healthy.
This understanding of symptoms in response to trauma can be instructive whether or not you meet criteria for PTSD as it highlights how a behavior makes sense within the context under which it operates.
Consider a situation that is common to many. You’ve experienced a significant disruption in your work and are having to navigate major changes in your social and personal life. Perhaps you’ve create a new routine which feels unfamiliar and uncomfortable. There may also be a sense of detachment from the people in your life, making it easy to feel isolated. Finally, there does not appear to be a timeline for when the lockdown will end, furthering a sense of dread. Your inner most thoughts and emotions reflect a constant sense of pessimism, denial or minimization, and despair. All of this creates a situation in which you find yourself doing as little as possible, in order to reduce a threat that can feel overwhelming, invisible, and out of your control. For many people who have experienced a personal traumatic event, many of the above experiences apply. What makes our current circumstances unique is that it is a collective sense of prolonged traumatic injury, similar only to natural disasters, 9/11, and economic depressions.
Quarantine through a trauma-informed perspective
A view of our collective quarantine through a trauma informed lens can validate our experiences: given the unprecedented nature of the pandemic, the above responses are not only normal, but in a sense necessary. Imagine a situation in which two people are affected by the same event, but have two responses; the first person’s behavior and thoughts reflect no change before and after the event while the second person reflects the opposite. For the first person, to be so disengaged from themselves and the world around them is to be divorced from the world. The second person is affected by such changes because they are living in the world and experiencing it as it is. In other words, the symptoms we describe as those of trauma or anxiety and depression are in fact the indicators needed to recognize that the world has changed.
Normalizing your emotional responses and reactions
Over the next few weeks to months (and potentially longer), you may find yourself experiencing “normal changes” in this abnormal situation. Consider the following when you examine your life under this new lens:
Allow yourself to grieve. You may not be able to operate at 100% and that’s okay. Resist the desire to find lots of new hobbies (e.g., learning that new language, starting a new exercise routine, etc) as that may not be helpful to you right now.
Connect with others. Making phone calls, texting, and video chat can help metaphorically expand your world beyond the four walls you’re currently in. Feelings of isolation and loneliness may decrease if you have a weekly chat with loved ones.
Focus on making meaning rather than being happy. How you think about this challenge and adapting to it is going to be a lot more effective than trying to maximize happiness. Some questions to consider include: “How will I look back on this time in quarantine?”, “What lessons or takeaways can I receive from this time?”, etc.
Examine your consumption of news. You are unlikely to be learning anything significant glued to your phone or TV all day. Learning to curate your news consumption can not only give you a rest from an information overload, but can also reduce feelings of anxiety, tension, and stress related to COVID-19.
“Zoom out” to get perspective: Take a moment to think back to before this event and mentally place yourself along a longer timeline (i.e., instead of thinking about the first half of 2020, think about all of 2019, etc.). Remember that while it can feel like time is passing too slowly during lockdown, life existed before and will exist after.
Foster compassion and gratitude: We are all adapting together and there may be others who are not as fortunate as you are. Expressing gratitude for what is in your control and compassion towards others for what they are going through can help us stay sane.
Accept this as the current state of affairs. This is not passivity or an excuse to “give up”. Rather, to accept the world as it is is to become comfortable with the requisite feelings and thoughts that come with an extended period of quarantine. Once there is a measure of acceptance, the energy and bandwidth previously dedicated to denial can be rerouted to more important experiences.
There’s no doubt this experience will have effects both immediate and lasting. What we choose to do with this information and how we choose to weather the continuing storm can help shape “the new normal” into a more compassionate, understanding, and connected world.
About the Therapist: Dr. Miklos Hargitay is a trauma-informed licensed psychologist who has worked extensively with trauma survivors in crisis centers, college counseling centers, and medical settings.