Four Self-Care Tips for Surviving the Holidays with Your Mental Health Intact
By Angela Gwak, PhD., Eleanor McGlinchey, PhD., Miklos Hargitay, PsyD & Peggy Loo, PhD
It’s hard to believe that the holidays are upon us. For some, the holidays are a time of the year to look forward to - filled with social plans, home-cooked or lavish meals, faith traditions, and time off with friends and family. As psychologists, we also know that for some, the holidays are a heightened time of stress or loneliness, negatively impacting mental health. For many, it’s a combination of both.
It’s hard to be honest that you’re worried about surviving the holidays or actively struggling when there’s such an emphasis on holiday cheer. Especially as holiday-targeted advertising seems to get earlier every year, we’re bombarded by images of the perfect, happy family or groups of smiling people at a beautifully put-together event.
The truth is that the holidays can be draining - whether it means living out of a suitcase while traveling, being far away from home, navigating healthy boundaries and unwanted conversations, or hosting too many people in a too-small apartment. This time of year can also be challenging due to less overall daylight and seasonal changes in mood. It can be a reminder of strained relationships, losses, regrets, financial worries, and unfulfilled expectations - which can increase anxiety, depression, grief, stress, old triggers, and social isolation. I have yet to see any ads normalize these moments. Yet most people can relate to these feelings during the holidays at one time or another. However, this lack of normalization means that many end up feeling isolated, sad, or ashamed of struggling during the holidays. The assumption that everyone else is happy and doing well often exacerbates these feelings further. Whether or not the holiday season is a time associated with enjoyment or stress for you - as psychologists we encourage extra attention to self-care.
Our psychologists answered the question: What are some tips or tricks you have for self-care during the holidays?
Read on to see what mental health tips they recommend for this holiday season.
Tip #1: Recognize that taking care of your physical health supports your mental health.
Dr. Angela Gwak: The holidays often comes with plenty of opportunities for eating, rich desserts, and alcohol - which can be instantly gratifying but result in dysregulated mood or physical discomfort. For those who are concerned about overindulging, taking the time to be mindful of your initial food choices at a meal can spare you from overeating, regret, or spikes in energy level. Even the practical strategy of opting for healthier options first at the dinner table, such as salads, vegetables, fruits, and protein, means you’ll be less likely to fill your belly with foods full of fat, sugar, and carbohydrates. An excess of these foods can negatively impact your mood, energy level, and sleep. Another tip is to hydrate with water in between alcoholic beverages. Carry around a glass of ice water, so that you have something to sip on while socializing. This may also help your host know that your glass is not empty and prevent them from offering you more drinks - which can be hard to keep track of!
Tip #2: Plan for alone time and prioritize resting.
Dr. Eleanor McGlinchey: Plan ahead to make sure you have space for yourself if you are spending extended time with family or have a full social calendar during the holidays. It can be easy to over commit or let the fear of missing out dictate how your time and energy is spent. This might mean needing to discuss with a spouse or other family members who might have expectations of you so you can get on the same wavelength or strike a compromise. Try to prioritize rest (e.g., sleep, meditation, a low key day) and plan on keeping things that make you feel physically ill to a minimum (e.g., too much alcohol, heavy meals right before bed). But remember that it’s all a balance and taking time to indulge and celebrate is also important!
Tip #3: Stay grounded by staying connected.
Dr. Miklos Hargitay: The holidays can be a restorative and reconnecting time for people who have strong family relationships, but for those who have complicated relationships with their family or hometown, this time can be really stressful and even disorienting. We can revert to old ways of being or seeing ourselves. For those who may struggle during the holidays, maintaining a connection with close friends and others who represent your current life can be a useful way to ground yourself. If you’re traveling and spending time away from your present-day sense of home, reminding yourself of aspects of your own life, whether that is planning conversations with friends, staying updated and connected to your own life through social media or local news can be a way not to lose touch with who you are.
Tip #4: Give yourself permission to do holidays your way.
Dr. Peggy Loo: The pressure to spend holidays with family or in a socially prescribed way can be incredibly unfair to those who may not have traditions or a safe family. Whether it’s because of grief and loss of a family member changing your family structure or toxic relationships that are emotionally exhausting - it is okay to choose spending the holidays without family, in a different way, or even on your own if preferred. Sometimes self-care is saying no and imagining alternatives. As long as it is your choice - there is no rule saying that you must see family members or attend every holiday party. You can take time off to rest, travel, volunteer, get lost in that stack of books you never have time to read, hibernate with friends, or get together with your “family of choice” - i.e., those that are safe and loving to you. You can create your own ways to celebrate -whether they are rooted in faith traditions or ones that are beautifully meaningful or restful to you. Regardless of who or what you may or may not have in your life during the holidays, they can always be a time that you choose to fill with what is precious to you.
If you are worried about your mental health during the holidays this year - you’re not alone. We highly encourage you to reflect on what would promote your emotional well being instead of over-accommodating the expectations of others. Try reaching out to trusted people in your life, whether that is to make plans or simply agree to check in and text each other if you’re anticipating some challenges. Considering short-term therapy can also be a great source of support and a place to process complicated emotions that arise - especially if the holidays are difficult this year for a specific reason, like a recent breakup, life change, or if it brings up difficult memories. You do not need to struggle alone or put on a happy face. Whether this is your favorite or least favorite time of the year, everyone deserves self-care and support during the holidays.
About the Authors: Drs Gwak, McGlinchey, Hargitay, & Loo are psychologists at Manhattan Therapy Collective who believe in practicing self-care all year round - but especially during the holidays.