How Do I Deal with Negative Thoughts?
By Miklos Hargitay, PsyD
Getting stuck in your head?
Imagine the following scenario; you are the President of the United States and are giving a live press conference. A reporter stands up and states an allegation that you have committed a serious crime. You know that the allegation is baseless and that there is no evidence to support it. How do you proceed? Do you refute the allegation then and there so as to quash it? Or do you ignore it as to challenge the allegation is to give it a sense of legitimacy?
This hypothetical speaks to one of the questions we may have about our thoughts, particularly the ones that are intrusive or unwanted yet barrage us with extraordinary persistence, demanding our attention. Stated another way, if the President represents you and the reporter represents your mind, does it make sense to logically challenge every single thought your mind presents? Or would trying to respond to every one of the reporter’s allegations only get us further entangled in an unwanted exchange?
What is Acceptance and Commitment Therapy and Mindfulness-Based Cognitive Therapy?
Acceptance and Commitment Therapy and Mindfulness-Based Cognitive Therapy proponents argue that change is most successful, not through active engagement with our thoughts (i.e., responding to every reporter’s allegation), but rather through mindful acceptance that such thoughts are a product of a mind built for processing lots of information (i.e., we have ears to hear all of the questions being asked at the press conference). Our struggle with intrusive and negative thoughts is a result of us getting “hooked” on such thoughts and viewing them as permanent and valid lines of inquiry, rather than impermanent and perhaps not worthy of more attention.
Try mindfulness of your thoughts
Try the following exercise:
Take a moment and reflect on a self critical thought you have struggled with (on a scale of 0 - 10 in terms of severity or harshness, pick something close to a 4). Repeat the phrase 10 times aloud and notice how it feels. (For example, “I’m an awkward person”)
Next, repeat the same phrase again, but with the following prefix: “I’m having the thought that...”. (For example, “I’m having the thought that I’m an awkward person.”) Repeat the new phrase aloud 10 times and notice how it feels, and if there are any differences from the first time.
Finally, repeat the new phrase from #2 with an additional prefix: “I’m noticing that”. (For example, “I’m noticing that I’m having the thought that I’m an awkward person.”) Repeat the new phrase aloud 10 times and compare between #1 and #2.
Did you notice a difference? Did it feel like there was any “distance” between yourself and the thought across the three conditions? I’m not making the case that the thought somehow disappears after this exercise, but rather that you can create enough distance between yourself and the thought so you observe that it’s a thought you are having and not a core description of who you are. Often this distance lessens the emotional intensity that accompanies the thought, which makes it easier to let go of should we choose. The understanding that we can get stuck on thoughts and in doing so, they obscure our view of the world (for the better and the worse) changes our relationship to our thoughts from being in a boxing match or a courtroom to someone trying on sunglasses. Instead of constantly fighting our thoughts to either get rid of them or to “defeat” them, noticing how those thoughts are in front of you, and are not a part of you can be profoundly helpful.
So, if you decide that you’re the kind of person who likes to litigate such allegations and ensure that they’re dead and buried, more power to you! Sometimes this may be an important process for you to move on. If you feel however that it can be hard to engage in one thought without being inundated with other intrusive, unhelpful, and incessant thoughts, this approach might be helpful for you.
About the Therapist: Dr. Miklos Hargitay is a clinical psychologist and regular mindfulness meditation practitioner. He’s practicing not getting bogged down in reporter questions.