New Years Resolutions: What's Hard about Change According to Psychologists
By Aasha Foster-Mahfuz, PhD., Miklos Hargitay, PsyD., Eleanor McGlinchey, PhD., and Peggy Loo, PhD
It’s now the last week of January. Despite the most resolute of New Year's resolutions, the best of good intentions, or the promising promises for 2020 - it can be hard for some of us to reflect on the progress we’ve made (or have yet to make) towards change in our lives. You may be trying to create a healthy habit, experimenting with a different response in a familiar situation, or aspiring to take a step outside of your comfort zone. You may feel successful, encouraged, and motivated - or you may feel the opposite - or something in between! Wherever you are at, we want to normalize that even though seeking change is worthwhile, it is hard. We get that the pathways to change can be unclear, non-linear, and at times, come with setbacks - and we think that is simply how change sometimes works.
The psychologists at MTC were asked the question: What do you think is one of the hardest parts of change? What encouragement would you offer people considering new changes in the new year? It is our hope that in reading our perspectives on change - wherever you are in making changes in your life - you will be encouraged or find something useful for your process.
Be present minded
Dr. Foster-Mahfuz: For me, change is something I generally look forward to because it's an opportunity for something different--something potentially better or more exciting. In some ways, "change is good" is a mantra born of my Piscesan tendencies of adaptability and an optimistic nature. Perhaps the hardest part about change is challenging what can feel like natural tendencies or personality-like traits (i.e., "who I am") rather than what can be considered momentary statuses ("how I feel right now"). It can be hard to decide what to change or how to approach change when you want to make big shifts to a familiar way of being. For anyone who (like me) can get caught in thinking about change rather than “doing” change, focusing on the present and one specific way I can affect change keeps me empowered and grounded in something I can do without feeling stuck or overwhelmed by what I’m trying to change.
Goals should be specific and personally meaningful
Dr. Hargitay: I would argue one of the hardest parts of changing behavior is maintaining those changes. Initially, there can be a high level of motivation to set and achieve goals. However, over time it can be easy to fall into a slump, particularly when it feels like you are not making progress. This can be especially difficult if the goals set are too ambitious (e.g., running 5 miles every day) or if the metrics for such changes are too narrow (e.g., lowering cholesterol by 40 points) or too broad (e.g., just feel healthy). If you want to make changes, I recommend setting specific goals with reasons for change that are personally significant to you over time.
Make bad habits inconvenient
Dr. McGlinchey: I think the hardest part of change is translating what may be larger and loftier intentions into small, daily routines. I believe that it is our daily routines and habits that end up forming our overall lives. In many ways, we are already doing what our bodies and brains see as the best balance for homeostasis. For example, at the end of the day, I often reach for a super sugary sweet treat. My body is telling me “I need a little boost of energy to get through the rest of the evening” and my brain might be telling me “You’ve had a long day, you deserve a little treat.” I think both of these things are likely true and there is nothing wrong with either of those reasons. BUT, if my new year intention is to eat healthier (which it is) then I will need to set up my daily habits in a way that makes it easier for me to reach for a healthier treat at the end of the day. For me, that has meant keeping a variety of healthy treats in easy to reach places and putting the less healthy treats in less convenient places. Over time, original intentions translate into daily habits that become the everyday parts of our lives.
Don’t “go big or go home” - keep it simple
Dr. Loo: I think one of the hardest parts of change can be confronting our attitudes towards our goals and ourselves. I have commonly found that unintentionally perfectionistic and highly independent attitudes towards change efforts is usually a recipe for disaster! We are told to “go big or go home” and to “pull ourselves up by the bootstraps”, whereas change usually takes a great deal of small (i.e., undramatic) steps and a whole lot of outside support. More often than not, I see (and often recognize in my own life) that a wonderful desire for change is derailed by the (unfounded) personal expectations of large-scale, absolute, and self-reliant success. This unrealistic way of thinking about change promotes self-criticism at anything short of perfection, overlooks real progress, and worse yet - tends to isolate a person who perceives total failure (likely inaccurate) at the exact time they would most benefit from encouragement and perspective. My advice? Go small and find friends.
About the Therapists: Drs Foster-Mahfuz, McGlinchey, Hargitay, and Loo are licensed psychologists at MTC, who understand that an occupational hazard of being a mental health professional is chronic hopefulness about change.