Therapy for self-esteem in NYC

Our team of therapists with doctoral-level training bring a wealth of knowledge about self-esteem and expertise in helping you strengthen how you relate to yourself and others. How we feel about ourselves affects everything - from our goals and dreams, relationships, careers, and how we face setbacks in life. Having a low self-esteem often means you don’t feel deserving of good things and hold back in life.

Through self-exploration and practical strategies, you can clarify a sense of self and direction that results in greater confidence. To learn more, book a free, 15-minute consultation with us today.

 

Signs and symptoms of low self-esteem

  • A strong self critic (e.g., negative self-talk, blame, self-doubt)

  • Difficulty speaking up for yourself or asserting your needs and preferences

  • Assumption that you will not do well, fail, or mess something up

  • Undefined or diffuse boundaries with others

  • Believing challenging situations or others’ negative treatment of you are evidence of personal failure or low worth

  • Self deprecating humor

  • Rejecting compliments, difficulty validating positive qualities or personal accomplishments

  • People pleasing

  • Overcompensation through work, competition, bullying, or perfectionism

  • Feel undeserving of self care, generosity, pleasure, advancement, or support

  • Difficulty with anger - not feeling entitled to be angry or becoming defensive/aggressive with others

  • Self destructive behavior

 

What is the definition of self esteem

Generally speaking, self-esteem refers to the way that you think about and view yourself, and how this relates to your core beliefs about personal value. It’s expected that your opinion of yourself may ebb and flow with life events or feedback. But a healthy self-esteem includes a balanced recognition that you have strengths and weaknesses and are generally okay. You don’t have to be your ideal self before affirming that you have value.

Difference between self-esteem and self-compassion

Having a healthy self-esteem doesn’t mean you overlook shortcomings - but you aren’t fully defined by them. Whereas self-compassion is often about self-directed kindness and empathy when you’re struggling or in pain (e.g., how would you treat a friend going through a hard time), healthy self-esteem means you have a present-oriented, holistic perspective of yourself, positives and negatives, grounded on the idea that all humans are deserving of dignity and respect - including you.

 

How does self-esteem develop?

Negative self esteem is having an overall unfavorable view of yourself or having low self worth. Negative self esteem can develop as a result of many things - such as family upbringing, significant past experiences, relationships, traumas, peer interactions or belongingness, and social expectations. As children we form impressions of ourselves primarily based on the impressions others have of us. This includes the comments, feedback and responses we get from parents, siblings, classmates, teachers, friends, neighbors, significant others, and people inside and outside of our social group or community.

If you were given a dynamic range of opinions and views that included praise and constructive criticism, you are likely to develop a multifaceted sense of self that integrates positives and negatives. However, if you were raised in a critical or invalidating environment, it would be tough not to overemphasize real and perceived negatives and fail to see positives. Sometimes major events or milestones can affect self esteem, as they often highlight aspects of who we are in key developmental, high-stakes, or sometimes public moments. Often the people in our lives that we are closest to, depend on, or spend the most time with (e.g., family members, partners, friends, coworkers) can have a strong influence on our self-esteem as well.

 

Experiencing privilege or oppression affects self-esteem

Since birth, we constantly receive messages about our value based on parts of who we are and our social location. Privilege and oppression deeply affect how we see ourselves since these experiences are reinforced on a group and systems-level. If you were told (or sensed) repeatedly from a young age that you are not as smart, strong, capable, desirable, or likely to be successful because of some part of who you are (e.g., gender, sexuality, race, disability, etc) - it’s likely to be internalized as fact and become a lens through which you view yourself.

Versus if you have multiple experiences of people believing in, including, or even favoring you - it’s not such a hard leap for you to feel the same way about yourself. Acknowledging the impact of social location on our self-esteem (in positive and negative ways) is often incredibly helpful as a starting point.

 
yellow mural with words believe in yourself

How can therapy for self esteem help?

Therapy for self esteem often starts with identifying what areas of your life you have negative self esteem. You may struggle with negative self-esteem across the board, or you may notice it in a specific area. For example, you may have a strong and positive professional identity but believe you’re an undesirable potential romantic partner.

Examples of therapy goals for self esteem

  • Understand how your self-esteem developed in childhood or major life moments

  • Identifying thought patterns or behaviors that may be maintaining low self-esteem

  • Changing core beliefs about yourself

  • Practicing self-compassion

  • Addressing self-criticism

  • Set boundaries and prioritize personal needs

  • Accept care, compliments, and generosity from others

  • Identify and use personal strengths

 

Types of therapy for self esteem

Psychodynamic Therapy

Psychodynamic therapy focuses on gaining insight about past experiences that shaped your sense of self, and can include how and why you may struggle to see yourself clearly. Understanding the root causes can help you make key changes that balance knowing your strengths and areas of growth.

Multicultural Therapy

Multicultural therapy celebrates individual differences and all identities as equal and valuable. Being vigilant of negative bias or stereotype threat is a social reality that can stunt a healthy self esteem. Adopting self-acceptance and an affirming and inclusive social network is a priority to a sense of self that is multiculturally holistic.

Cognitive Behavioral Therapy (CBT)

CBT focuses on identifying connections between your thoughts, emotions, and behaviors. If you’ve struggled with self esteem for awhile, it can be hard to challenge what feels like ingrained ways of thinking or acting in environments you feel small in. Becoming aware of which thoughts and behaviors promote a whole sense of self and those that don’t is an essential way to grow.

 

Therapists specializing in self-esteem in NYC

It is never too late to work on self esteem. How we view ourselves has bearing on every other aspect of our lives - and can be a source of strength, celebration, empathy for ourselves and others, and motivation.

Our team of psychologists at Manhattan Therapy Collective are trained in a number of therapy approaches that support improving self esteem, such as Cognitive Behavioral Therapy. We encourage you to reach out for support - we’d love to connect with you and help you see yourself as the wonderful, imperfect, growing, unique, and worthwhile person that you are. Negative self esteem can be incredibly harmful - and lead to mood disorders, loneliness, unsatisfying relationships, and self-destructive behavior. In therapy, you can discover a new lens to see yourself and relate to the world. Book a free consultation today.

 
 

FAQs about therapy for self esteem

 

  • Absolutely not. Having a healthy self esteem is actually an antidote to both self-deprecation and an overly inflated sense of self - because the goal is to see your full self - strengths and weaknesses, while retaining self-respect. Negative self-esteem and self-absorption are both ways of being unduly preoccupied with yourself - in opposite ways. Healthy self-esteem is about an accurate, balanced perspective, which includes celebrating all that is great about you and recognizing that everyone has something to work on. When we are realistic and empathetic about who we are - we stop overfocusing on ourselves and are freed up to pay attention to others and the world around us.

  • It may not be - at first. Your relationship with your therapist is a relational microcosm, meaning you’re likely to repeat the patterns you have with others with your therapist. So it would make sense that if you have trouble believing positive feedback from others, you would initially in therapy as well. The difference is that in therapy we don’t stop there - we will get curious about the underlying and reinforcing mechanisms in place that make this a pattern for you. If you’re committed to attending therapy and trying things out, we’re committed to helping you experience growth and change.